Monthly Intention

Monthly Intention
My Whole30 Committment

Erin Cummings Photography

Monthly Obsession

Monthly Obsession
December's Monthly Intention


I am a failure.

I am a failure. I failed. This didn't work. I didn't work. I can't do it. I don't know. I am dumb. People perceive me as stupid.

The music started and I never sang. I failed my audition. When I was in elementary school I auditioned to be a role in a musical. (I can't remember how old I was or when exactly it was.) I remember standing on the stage of the chapel in my elementary school's sanctuary wearing a blue dress. I felt my cheeks get super red and I panicked. I missed my cue for my song, and the music played and I stood frozen as I looked over the room. The music teacher said "Don't worry start again". Full of fear I started again and I don't remember what happened after that. I just knew I failed and didn't get the part.

Looking back and asking myself, "What could I have given myself in that exact moment, what did little Erin need?" If anything, I would have told myself "why aren't you dancing, you can't sing. You KNOW you can't sing, you're leading role is not now."

Fast forward to ballet auditions...another year in the corps de ballet. Failed.

Tryouts for freshman year of the dance team. Failed. (I tried out again later on in high school and made the team.)

Tryouts for the freshman year basketball team. I never committed because two girls made fun of me the entire first two days of camp. Failed.

Borrowed my mom's car and hit a parked car in the parking lot of a job interview I was at. Failed.

Accused the manager at my high school job of treating employees unfairly, he made my life worse. Failed.

Held an office in my sorority....girls (who also held offices) got caught drinking in the house. I sought disciplinary action, they made my life worse. I quit my office. Failed.

My credit card was declined at KFC on the way to a college class one day, maxed it out. Failed.

After telling the student counselor I hadn't taken Calculus 1, she still signed me up for Calc 2. TOTALLY FAILED, well I think the professor felt sorry for me because I went to EVERY class and he gave me a C, but I deserved to fail. (I failed every test)

My capstone real estate project, my final for my college degree. Failed. When I say failed here I mean we realized the project we sought to create financially did not work. I didn't fail the grade, I got an A. But our idea failed.

My internship with college, failed.

My real estate job I got when we moved to Houston, failed. (It failed because I didn't want to go back after I had Kollin. My job was successful and I met great people, the job itself failed.)

I started a small quilting/sewing business. Failed. (I relied on this through another person's store.)

Fast forward to this month. My SUP business. Failed. Why?

How do each of these things relate? Fear... There are so many other failures along the way. Did my SUP yoga business actually fail, NO! The formula I created to succeed didn't work. I have a new plan, I am rebranding, I've got this. My initial idea failed, is that going to stop me, NO!

My reaction of the actions I took, somewhat of a fail. In many reactions I succeed, in the reaction where my family needed me to be a mom and wife I failed. I let the situation emotional drain me. I became unmotivated and unwilling. FAIL FAIL FAIL.

Failing over and over and over again hurts, but as I look back on all my failures, I see success with each. I wasn't a singer, I was a dancer....I even received a dance scholarship and traded that to go into real estate and business.

My real estate job failed, but I found success through yoga. And, now I have the flexibility with a yoga career to start a path of investment real estate. This is something I have always wanted, but never had the time or the funds to be able to do.

I will keep failing, but now I have the tools and the knowledge to know there is more ahead. I failed my business and gave myself a break and to let me rest, because I know what lies ahead.

"Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or to use failure that often leads to great success. I've met people who don't want to try for fear of failing." - J. K. Rowling.

I gave up my fear of failure. I would rather fail than look back and say "What if...."

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